My grandma is moving out of my parents house and it’s not a negative thing. But for some reason, I hate change…even when it has really nothing to do with me. I felt this way when I moved away for college…when I got married, when Van moved out…these are all not necessarily negative or positive change, but it’s a change. A change that means things are not going to be the same anymore. Maybe because I have such a happy life that I’m scared change may be the catalyst for things to spiral downhill. Or maybe because I’m just very sentimental, and I’m afraid change will result in a lost of something I value. I’m not sure but I know I take change with a pretty heavy heart. I don’t like to talk about it outloud because I’m afraid my reasons are selfish ones. Probably is. Either way, change always makes me nervous.
Every day, Aidan and Brooke are changing. And as a mother – it is SO bittersweet. I’m so happy they’re progressing and growing – makes me feel like I’m doing my job. But I also know that you cannot rewind the clock and sometimes I worry I’m not taking it in enough. Maybe I have these feelings because we decided not to have anymore.
Or maybe everybody feels this way about change and we just don’t talk about it?